It's Just Me

new title

2007-01-15T18:50:00.000-08:00

No more blogging.

china

2006-09-21T20:04:00.001-07:00

I live this past few weeks like the last days of my life.
I follow my heart almost entirely,
I hardly think twice or look back, which is a good thing,
If I feel like going I jus go, no second opinions needed to be asked,
If I dont feel like doing, I do something else, simple.
If I feel like calling someone, I just call.
how I wish I could live my life like that everyday, almost the feeling of living life to the fullest.
And I know its the feeling of not having to face the consequences,
After I bid my goodbye to Singapore and say hello to China,
I'll be missing in action,
Its like time stops here in Singapore for me
And the rest continues to carry on with their life,
And changes take place,
And the feelings that we use to have are now obsolete.
Obsolete.

'baby, it's the feeling..'

work sucks

2006-09-04T19:21:00.000-07:00

Did I mention..

I love attachment!
I love travelling to woodlands everyday!
I love waking up at 6am in the morning everyday!

*repeat to oneself*

becoz sometimes

2006-09-02T06:53:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, there are things you can never understand
Jus like how your bf can tell you one day he doesnt love you anymore.
Sometimes, you try not to read too much into it
Becoz you know it dont mean much anyway.
Sometimes you are just tired of building this image
Becoz it doesnt make much of an impression anyway.

Let's jus keep it real man, keep it real.

meet my teddy bear, Tedster.

''words are cheap"

mok: '' no, no! words are free!"

randomist

2006-08-19T02:33:00.000-07:00

Some random thoughts:

Nice fireworks.
Good company.
Mixed feelings.
Friends, crushes.
Exams sucks.
Hate going against what I feel.
Fumbling cameras.
Nostalgic feelings returned.
Wierd dreams.

Past.
Facial treats.
Pressure.
Smoke kretek.
o my.
Missing what I shouldnt be missing.
Impressions made.
Nothing is impossible, is it true..
Perceptions that can never be changed.
Disturbing my sister.
Pinch her butt.
Eastpoint makan everyday.
Slap her cheeks.
Let nature takes its course ok.
Wishing upon a star.
Supper.

Is this passing the baton game?

I'm out of it.

" Life is about being happy."

E.S

Sound goed eh?

I like..

darkside

2006-07-26T23:26:00.000-07:00

Fuck this life. Originality I seek, you lack. Nobody understands. It always screw up. I'm moving to the dark side. Goodbye Singapore. Hello China.

Fuck Fuck Fuck.

theory of enough

2006-07-25T23:42:00.000-07:00

my theory of enough,

o when I feel...

I wasnt good enough for you
Jus like how I feel enough is never enough
And when I felt its enough and I am contented
You feel that I am not good enough
And I felt I wasnt good enough
And that proves enough is never enough.

predict

2006-07-21T01:30:00.000-07:00

if you can override my predictions.

rock and roll

2006-07-13T02:11:00.000-07:00

somethings sweet or somethings strong,
seems like love no longer can turn me on,
like boy need girl and girl need boy,
Got a nasty habit called Rock 'n' Roll.

Somethings sweet or somethings strong,
seems like love no longer can turn me on,
Unlike the girls in suits and those pretty boys,
I gave my heart to Rock'n'Roll.

2006-07-12T00:52:00.000-07:00

I feel switched off.
Things I cant bear to feel anymore, I just switched off.
That's bad. very bad.
its like everyday jus passes you like that, just like that.
And you are still in bed.
Did I react differently to get this outcome?
No.
Was it because I did not react differently,
thus, the undesirable outcome?
I dunno.

The best thing I can say is I dunno.
The next best thing I can say is wadever.
The last thing I always say is Fcuk it.

2006-07-05T01:34:00.000-07:00

To those who reads my blog, you know what I'm like. ;)
Always posting a few entrys at one go.
Well..no posts doesnt mean nothin happen..so much had happened..
I jus lost the zest to sit in front of the computer and blog and think and blog and think and blog and think and blog and think and blog and think and blog.
But...i need to say something say something say something. Ha.

Let's just jumpstart into my 19th birthday celebration.

Countdown to birthday at MoS! 30th June

1st July!! My Birthday!

Hey it's ur Birthday, we gonna party like its your Birthday..

Thank you all my lovelies. I heart you>3

I have a week of Birthday treats! Bon Apetite!

Dinner @ Iguana Cafe

Then to Bedroom Pub @ MS!

cheers.

hedonista

2006-06-04T01:30:00.000-07:00

Dont prove yourself over and over again.
they say you cant control your emotions, but you can owe them.
I'm reaching there again, going even lower than before.
they say they have issues, i tell them i have too, you want/care to listen to mine?
what could a hedonista cost you?
Or rather what could being a hedonista cost you?
studies? quality time? reputation? friend? other friends?
its's just a phase, i just know.
because time never stops and that changes things.
so dont come crying when september ends,
becoz there's a price to pay for being one.
Dont even think about it, you can never afford it.
And its the price of something you build, but chose to ruin it
she told me that's part and parcel of life ya know..
to go through all these..
and sometimes you jus hav to face the truth and let it go.
let it go...
I almost wanted to burst out crying hearing that.
she look at me as a matter-of-factly, as if she's been through worse than this,
and said ' its ok, you still have us, me, you can call me, we go watch x men.'
I feel a short relief, but i know that's not solving the root of it.
stick to my stand or come out of it. do something i say.
we'll take it as it comes, i'll go with my gut feel, my heart,and my pea-brain.

p.s i hate sneakiness and manipulation and all other things that irks the hell out of me. i'll choose to ignore you and talk to myself.

she says ya're happier when ya're in control.
i say fcuk it.

the taste

2006-06-02T06:26:00.000-07:00

It taste bitter, and a bit sourish.

the aftertaste

2006-05-20T16:02:00.000-07:00

Do you know what aftertaste taste like?

move away

2006-05-18T15:00:00.000-07:00

When I dont like the things I see, I move away.
When I dont like the way you act, I move away.
When I dont like the way you dress, I move away.
When I dont like the way you speak, I move away.
When I dont like hanging out with you, I move away.
When I dont like talking to you, I move away.

I jus move away, its as simple as that.

Why should I forced myself to like and be in a situation that I know I'll never like to be.

Day Tripper.

Life goes on. No one gives two fcuks about that.

understood.

2006-04-23T03:12:00.000-07:00

Do you understand me?
I would dare to say even the people that are close to me
Do not understand me.

Do you know what I need?
I would dare to say to say even the people that are close to me
Do not not know what I need.

Do you know what I want?
I would dare to say even the people that are close to me
Do not know what I want.

You do not understand me.
It's not that I'm speaking to you in an arabic language or my conspicuous body language. But you do not seem to mind my mother tongue language, what I'm saying, the tactful words, the round about words, the point that I'm trying to put across to you. My point is _______.

I need very few things.
Your understanding, assurance,care and love.
It's not that I've never been there for you
But its too many disappointing times that it takes a toll on me and I want to fit into the shoes of a friend not a beck and call person. You could just listen to the inside of me.

I want many things.
I'm selfish, so are you.
But to what extend? Are you willing to sacrifice in circumstances? Like not eating your cravings becoz your best friend wants to eat something else? OR
not wanting not wanting to tell your friend where you got that top becoz you didnt want her to get the same top as you? Hmm..
I want to love and be loved, I want a beautiful dress, I want good grades, I want a driving license without having to take the test, I want a chauffeur, I want a dog, I want that belt, I want assurance, I want your understanding, I want your love and concern, I want world peace, I want a cosy room, I want to be fit, I want a big house, I want everything that others have that I dont have.

p.s school's starting and I cant wait. Right.

2006-04-19T00:43:00.000-07:00

Just a flying thought again.

I think I protect myself pretty well,
compare to others.
Well, i'm the hermit crab after all,
(It could be a blessing in disguise, God bless me.)
So much so that i wouldnt want to appear vulnerable to others.
Not a wee bit.
But Love is to be vulnerable.
So how?

test me

2006-04-07T23:28:00.000-07:00

When you are too nice, too forgivable, too endurable, too easy to please, too eager to please, too easily contented, too attentive, too blah blah blah,

People exploit you. They take advantage of the situation, attack your weakness, they take charge, they take you down and took full control. Leaving you no space to breathe, no time to react, emotions take over, too much too bear, too emotional, you couldnt think, you have no time to think, you dont want to think about it. You take it all and swallow it down.

But pls pls pls, dont test my patience, dont test my endurance, dont test my level of kindeness, dont measure my love and calculate your benefits and losses, dont test my instincts, my intuition, dont test my trust, dont test me.

I cant feel anything, anymore.

honey and moon

2006-04-01T23:48:00.000-08:00

Don't know why I'm still afraid
If you weren't real I would make you up
now
I wish that I could follow through
I know that your love is true
and deep as
the sea
but right now
everything you want is wrong,
and right now
all your dreams are waking up,and right now
I wish I could follow you
to the shores
of freedom,where no one lives.

Short-lived.

its jus a ride

2006-04-01T16:04:00.000-08:00

Its just a ride, its just a ride....

Life, it's ever so strange
It's so full of change
Think that you've worked it out then BANG
Right out of the blue
Something happens to you
To throw you off course
and then you

Breakdown
Yeah you breakdown
Well don't you breakdown
Listen to me
Because

It's just a ride, it's just a ride
no need to run, no need to hide
It'll take you round and round
Sometimes you're upsometimes you're down
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
don't be scared
don't hide your eyes
It may feel so real inside
but don't forget it's just a ride

Truth, we don't wanna hear
It's too much to take
Don't like to feel out of control
So we make our plans
Ten times a day
And when they don't go
our way we

Breakdown
Yeah we breakdown
Well don't you breakdown
Listen to me
Because

It's just a ride, it's just a ride....

Losing battle

2006-03-31T11:07:00.000-08:00

I cant grasp this anymore, it almost form an obsolete part of me.
Its a losing battle I'm always fighting.
Same faces, same circle of friends,
Same drama, same scenarios.
Same tinge of feelings.
Is Happiness really only acheived only at the expense of others?

I wish you could tell me its not my fault whenever something doesnt work out,
Like a wrong move, a wrong word, a wrong body language.
This cannot do, it cannot always be the same type of person.
I and you. need to be emotionally available.
And girl, I dont need you to make things worse for me.
If there's any worse to come, I want to make sure its coming from me.

You have some clarifications about clubbing girls?
Call me, I'll explain to you patiently.
I promise.

taboo entry

2006-03-28T22:58:00.000-08:00

A whole day of anticipation, (which leads to the unanticipated), reanalysation,sharing of advice, straining ears and neck, strategising ways to win the game. Sounds Crude, Sounds TABOO.

Spongebob shirt, FBT shorts,
Sweet-smelling hair, Orange mask, OCing.
A ring to surprise me, and the rest fall into place. =)

sun kissed

2006-03-26T01:54:00.000-08:00

I know it will always end up with a sad ending.

sun-kissed.

cock and bull story

2006-03-20T05:42:00.000-08:00

So not another cock and bull story,
And take me for a ride,
Cause I've had enough that make me wanna die.

wits and humor

2006-03-14T00:28:00.000-08:00

When I do not speak,
Its because I knew perfectly well of the consequences.
I know almost what you are gonna say,
how you are gonna react,
I'm not psychic,
Its simply because I know you too damn well.
Some people need a long long long time to know a person,
I reckon it takes a shorter time for me.
I haven really met anyone with the high EQ and IQ.
The humor and the the wits,
That could really intrigued me, and impressed me.
O baby just bring it on.

I care when i say i dont

2006-03-12T01:21:00.000-08:00

I don't really care what people think,

because they don't really care to get to know me anyway.

Ok, I care when I say I don't.

her story

2006-03-10T06:16:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you her story,

She's delicate,
She's once bitten twice shy,
She's always been a listening ear,
She's a slient extrovert,
She's a slient bitcher,
She has stronger principles than you.
She's oblivion to the world around her.
She choose to live in denial sometimes.
She lives with an attitude.

10 fucked up human behaviour

2006-03-05T00:08:00.000-08:00

The 10 fcuked up human behaviours.

Put people down.

Some people just like to put people down to make themselves look good. They know they are no better then the rest, but they just enjoy putting you down and make it seem that they are better than the rest. Splashing cold water on you, killing that part, that struggle for optimism.

2. Finding fault with people all the time.

This is one fucked up behaviour I absolutely cannot stand. Finding fault with people ALL the time!! You think you are o Mr/Mrs perfect and always thinking you are so damn right. Picking every tiny fault you can find and magnify it for the whole world to see that you are so clever and brilliant to spot someone's flaw. Sick in the mind.

3. Pot calling the kettle black.

You see them going on and on about some bitch or bastard or worse start preaching and they just wouldnt point the finger and look at themselves. That, hey! I' m actually talking about myself! And you just start rolling your eyes over and over again.

4. Indecisiveness.

This is a a pretty common one. So indecisive one can be that it gets on your own nerves, much less others. Has it got to do with the juvenile stage? We all know responsiblities comes with age. Thus? took the advantage of time and the less responsiblities we have now to make decisions that are sometimes not even worth the time.

5. Copycats.

Talk about copying homework in Pri sch, buying the same school bag as your classmates and the must have watch that your best friend's wearing; to copying the way your friend dresses, to even the way she talks, the familiar phrases,the gestures, heard about plagarism? Its a crime alright. I'm sure all of us were in that plight once. Its annoying alright but its worse when people copy and do not acknowledge it and even worse made it seem like their own. Where has the all the naturlity and innovativeness gone to? No comments.

6. Obligations.

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt obligated to do something for whoever and you simply didnt feel like doing it. Its more of lending your time to others in advance just in case you needed that some day. Its more of giving face to your friend because you like her. Helping willingly is one thing, feeling obligated to help is another. But what do we feel really?

7. Procrastination.

No 1 killer for most of us. I hate procrastination. I really do. But I'm practising it more than anyone else! It just eats you alive. Once you start, you cannot stop. Its the most fucked up attitude basically.

8. Labelling

Dont people love to label people? O she's an SPG, O she's materialistic, O she's blah blah blah...Judging people and putting labels on them. Its common. You talk about it to a friend without even batting an eyelid. But how well do you actually know them? What right have you to judge anyone but yourself? If you want to judge, go get your Phd and be a real judge then we'll see ok.. Everything happens for a reason.

9. Putting a friend in a bad light to make yourself look better.

Its a degree lower than hypocritical and betrayal or in btw. Its not hypocritic because you are not exactly talking bad about the person and its not really betrayal because you didnt exactly betray the person... Its just saying something that shouldnt be heard, showing something that shouldnt be seen,knowing the person would nv like wad you were trying to do; its just making use of the person, putting her in a rather bad light, changing people's impression of her quietly.

10. Last but not least. This whole entry is a CONTRADICTION itself. Human beings contradict all the time. You say something once, and contradict yourself the next. And you go like wtf!?! Words contradictory, actions contradictory, Once a while its ok..all the time? YOU SUCK.

I'm not a saint,

but i jus wanna walk away,

walk away....

poison

2006-03-02T06:27:00.000-08:00

I have a bloody sore throat.

Should I go for......

Herbal Tea
70 cents and it taste like poison

Alcohol
25 bucks and it taste like poison

frustration

2006-02-27T19:11:00.000-08:00

Frustration.

shane

2006-02-19T00:36:00.000-08:00

L word

"Sexuality is fluid. Whether you're gay or you're straight or you're bisexual, you just go with the flow."

emptiness

2006-02-18T07:59:00.000-08:00

I could almost predict the outcome.

I think its time for some good fun elsewhere.

Dancing eyes.

Wasnt that an opportunity, or I just didnt allow myself to.

I think I haven really look at myself and ask myself what i really want.

Its a pathetic state, I feel.

Alrite, enriching programs after the mugging period.

Interested friends? Join me.

Distracted me.

ciao.

When I move,

you move,

Just like that.

"It almost never turns out like the way you want it to" -L word.

infatuation

2006-02-11T07:17:00.000-08:00

A night of

giggling,shuffling,whispering,dodging,dancing,

snapping,banging,pushing,smiling,laughing,

popping,walking,pulling,dancing,singing,dreaming.

infatuation.

stupid

2006-02-03T23:13:00.000-08:00

I wouldnt blog this...

Dont make ridiculous and stupid demands,

You should know you dont deserve to,

Get Lost!

If you wouldnt read this.

bitchy

2006-02-01T01:33:00.000-08:00

DXO. Hmmm........Encounter some pure bitchiness, you tell me.

First attempt,

At the dancefloor,
She pulls me or tap me, I cant remember and point to him.
I jus simply walk away.

Second good attempt,

Was sitting outside the entrance of DXO,
they were walking out together.
She( waves at me and smiling sweetly): Hi.
Me( being polite, i smile back): Hi.
She (points to him): you wanna kiss him?
Me: dumbfounded, speechless.

1) she thinks I steal her bf away and she is feeling sore about it.
( I think she should get her facts right)
2) She is trying real hard to spite me.
( which explains the 2nd attempt , which is obviously not working and I would have probably walk up to him and give him a tight slap or kiss him right then and there just to see the look on her face.)
3) she is high.
( i wouldnt rule out the possibility, well jus to give the benefit of the doubt to save her the embarassment. I'm not sayin that i nv say stupid things or act stupidly when I'm high before, I jus dun say mean stuff, geddit?)
4) she is like that la..
( sounds familiar?)

One word. Disgusted. period.
Low class act.

Am I trying to prove to you, or are you trying to prove to me?

full of shit

2006-01-27T22:11:00.000-08:00

Do read the catalog mag issue #22

Themed: Lust, Love and orgasm

Read the editor's page.

Its pretty cool, I thought.

"Love may be many a splendour thing but to really know what love is, maybe we need to find what it's not. That way, we manage each other's expectations with less disappointment."

2006-01-23T07:07:00.000-08:00

BBQ at xiang's place. Reach hm at 7am.
I dunno, but if ya guys been spending time with me, ya realise tht i hav became really lag..although i hate to admit it..its due to sleepin too much, ya know ya jus wanna sleep on it, but i'm recovering!! yea..
Anyways, as a result,
Became mahjong bimbo overnight, (pretty embarassing i must say,)
O I didnt know I was named as the Absolute peach queen as well..(by the honour of Cyn),hmm...

what's there to blog?

2006-01-20T11:51:00.000-08:00

What's there to blog?

Sometimes kindness doesnt pay;
instead they took full advantage of it
sucking you dry mentally.
because its a mask I'm wearing and its hard to take off sometimes;
( trust me, i tried to be as close to myself as possible)
Sometimes you jus need it to get around
sometimes you jus need it to make avoidable enemies
sometimes you jus wan to cover your inner feelings and not show your vulnerability
then I thought how lame it was,
sometimes we all try too hard.

I've got to get out of the circle i'm running in.
she's your source of light.
you made me hear unbearable beautiful songs now.

Love
With so many things that happen, it jus makes me feel so skeptical about love.
Break-ups, lead-ons, divorces blah..
And everyone is saying that single is the best.
Girl power.
We jus need our girls.
And the boys can all fuck off and die. simple becoz most are jerks.
but......I know deep down...we still want someone to shower us the unconditional love, gifts and patience.
And if there was a chance we would still jump at it. (Not jus any tom,dick or harry pls)
And and...probably get hurt all over again. bleah.
Or, happily be the man's last.
Uncanny. Let's jus take this with a pinch of salt with an open heart.
O sister Francis aka Chloe, let me join you..! lol.

Friendship
A circle of friends that are expandable.
A few close friends.
Hmm, tell me how it works.
I usually give without expecting anything in return.
But as I said before expectations are formed unknowingly
Tactful as I may be, others may not.
Reasonable demands are hard to define.
but I'l be there when in need.
Pls understand where I'm coming from..

Love is like Friendship on fire. -Bruce lee

I'm adaptable to your feelings.

ccb

2006-01-10T01:29:00.000-08:00

I'm sick of hearing it.

Dont fucking force your reasons on her.
Dont fucking shout like a mad horse as if you are fucking right.
Dont fucking expect her to believe your cock and bull story when the facts are there.
You dont really expect her to live in self denial do you?
chao chee bye.
To all the fucked up men in the world.
Anything that is cursable i curse upon you.
boy, this is mad emo.

2006-01-10T01:14:00.000-08:00

In the series of events that happen,

o yea, the world is fucked up.

love hate

2006-01-05T01:42:00.000-08:00

4-5am,
was jus an inch away frm lala land after a tiring arduous lastmin chiong studying,
a phonecall was all it need to fuckitup, follow by
siblingswakingupforschool, house phone ringing(singtel alarm), the loud cheenapiang ringtone comin from my sis hp at 6 in the morning(her hp in my room) pick it up and yes wrong no! , ^&^%$#$%$&&(*
i wish i wasnt the one,
the hurt one,
the sacrificed one,
the alternative one,
unfair? ya.it has always been.
I just want some letters and a dress. Rightfully mine.

you cant control wad you feel mentally but you can physically isnt?

I'm startin to feel a little hatred for you and a lot for myself.

o yes its a love hate r/s

I'm treading on.

catch me if you can.

new yr

2006-01-01T22:25:00.000-08:00

Wad a way to start a new yr,
2006 is gonna be a better yr, i tell myself.
but it jus had to start like this.
i hate myself.
Sometimes i ask myself,
what do i want in life.
Do i really like clubbin my life away,getting wasted,social smoke( wads tht?),having late late nights,quarreling with my parents becoz of that,spending money on things that are not enriching to my life at all.
wasting time,wasting money,wasting my health away....
keeping up with people's expectations and yet struggling with my own.
Listening to others instead of myself
regretting almost everything i do
but yet never learn frm it
procrastinate like nobody's business
I dont understand myself anymore.
maybe i change, in a way or another, i duno
it's quite scary how the experiences in your life shapes you
or even scars you,
i'm nt that strong to withstand all this
i have to admit it
even though i appear to be able to take it
i cant.
i'm calling for help inside sometimes
but i dun wan to appear vulnerable.
i dun need your pity
for all i do is indulge in self pity.
so jus let me be.
coz i dun tink you understand what i need or want at points in time
if you could offer me, i thank you for lending me your shoulder when i need it
maybe 2006 will be a better yr for me even though it was a bad start
maybe, maybe,

I need to find the balance.

2006, a better yr

a better me

it better be.

hate christmas

2005-12-21T23:27:00.000-08:00

I hate Christmas. I dislike walking down brightly lit, beautifully decorated, orchard road. It makes me feel...empty.I hate the festive season. Christmas then new year then valentine's. o gawwdd. I think I seek perfection too much and refuse to settle for less.thisismakingmesoundsopathethicbut iduntinkigiveafuckingdamnanymoe. Construe this.
Was it destiny?
Was it meant to be?
Time always defeats me.
the more you seek the more it eludes you.
wadeva things, really.
Shld i behave like this becoz of the way it is
or shld i try to make it seem as if nothing has happen.
My new year resolution: Stop living in the past and resist procrastination. I want to be happy.

You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.

collage

2005-12-18T00:26:00.000-08:00

I know this came a little late, but hey! Its christmas time and its a time for thanksgivings.

To my other half, thank you for everything, i heart you>3

The wonderful 2 wholes.

Thank you for the company and words of comfort.

We need to spend more time together ok..

Sweet memories.

Now they are leading their own lives, living in their own world.

We meet up less often.

But you guys will always be loved by me and remembered always.

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

mos

2005-12-15T07:38:00.000-08:00

1) It's Minstry of Sound

2) Splendid Decor

3) Excellent Music

4) Hot babes

5) Pretty boys

What more can you ask for?

dogs

2005-12-13T08:26:00.000-08:00

Aiya I anytime also can go pet safari, like after the a usual meal at Simei St 4 coffee shop or after a supermarket trip, will just drop by and check out the pets behind those glass tanks.......And I saw...the damndamndamn cute baby golden retriever! ok maybe nt baby..but ya noe golden retriever dogs are always so huge when I see them and this..this...

I'm gonna get one.

at ur best

2005-12-10T05:03:00.000-08:00

When i feel..what I feel..sometimes its hard to tell you so..

With Christmas round the corner,
I look around me and I see,
Love is everywhere.
Old flames,
New dates,
but none is left for me there.
Was it my resistance or
Was it just my luck
I jus want a positive motivating force within my life.

take me for a ride

2005-12-01T07:05:00.000-08:00

What will it take to make you appreciate?
What will it take to not take things for granted?
Sick of people like that. Being like that ALL THE TIME!

sometimes things drive you to a point where you just wanna chill in one corner and fantansize and be oblivious to the things happening around you; which I suspect I'm alr in that situation and I need to stop living in a square before i get out of touch of this world and be a real/ permanent lag queen.

I'm disgusted.
Airhead. Ha. I laugh it off.
I'm just watching you from the sideline, waiting for you to show your true colors.

Because I'm the only one feeling indifferent about this, I'm just gonna relac one corner and chill alrite. I'm tired, so I'll just fade away in the back.....

here i go again

2005-11-26T00:39:00.000-08:00

Here I Go Again

you said you hated me(But I keep coming back)

treated me ungratefully(But I keep coming back)

you didn’t appreciate me(But I keep coming back)

you said you never loved me(But I keep coming back)

People told me to leave you alone(But I keep coming back)

crazy messages on my phone(But I keep coming back)

O tell me where I went wrong to make these feelings so strong

Baby here I go again

was it the way you walk(to make me feel like this)

was it the way you talk(to make me feel like this)

was it the way you kiss(to make me feel like this)

was it the way you love(to make me feel like this)

was it the way you hug me(to make me feel like this)

O tell me were I went wrongt

to make these feelings so strong

Back to ya girl

cuz you know I need your loving(you know I do)

I cant keep running away

from all this kissin’ and huggin’(I don’t know why)

I keep coming back

to all this love and hate

am I crazy

have I lost myself

is this a sin

Baby here I go again

I gave you all of me(give up you know I did)

I gave you everything(give up you know I did)

even that diamond ring(give up you know I did)

it didn’t mean a thing(give up you know I did)

what about them shopping sprees(give up you know I did)

the trips over seas(give up you know I did)

O tell me where I went wrong

mMmMmMm baby

Baby here I go again

ya ya ya(here I go again)

in spite of yesterday(here I go again)

back with you today(here I go again)

I don’t understand(here I go again)

why im tryin’ to be your man(here I go again)

baby girl tell me(here I go again)

O tell me where I went wrong

to make these feelings so strong

Baby here I go again

[chorus]

Back to ya girl

cuz you know I need your loving(you know I do)

I cant keep running away

from all this kissin’ and huggin’(I don’t know why)

I keep coming back

to all this love and hate

am I crazy

have I lost myself

is this a sin

don’t you try to judge me

I know you’ve been in these shoes before

can somebody tell me

tell me if im loosingmy mind for sure

Baby here I go again

overdued

2005-11-24T00:41:00.000-08:00

so much time wasted, playing games with love

so many tears i cried, so much pain inside

it aint over till its over.

Silly me.

I want to shortened the pain, I want to give up, I did. But my heart wouldnt allow it.

I cant let go becoz of that belief I had,

i guess most break-ups are so hurtful becoz of there was that belief in the beginning.

There're many things I dunno,

I decide not to ask. you dun want to open up.

I put myself out there, and it seems so bleak.

But I choose to put that uneasiness aside, thinking I could pick up the pieces slowly.

Was it naivety or niceness?

I dont know. And I'll never know.

Cruel intentions.

Unfair?

Then again, nothing is fair.

So i accept it with a night of beer, cigarettes and good company.

Surprisingly, I wrote this entry without crying.

Coz that had make up for this late entry.

O bar

2005-11-19T17:47:00.000-08:00

And so you see, things always dont go the way you want it to be.
And so you see, you dont always do what you preach.
And so you see, you say things and you dont mean it.

Negative vs Postive
Ying vs Yang

Love vs Hate

And many many more opposites . =)

Today, while walking back from Eastpoint after a meal, my mom and I saw an old gram( not that old..) carrying a dog. I know its not funny to you guys reading this. But....it was jus so fucking hilarious. Then my mom said, ' she carry the dog like carrying her grandchild like that..' We both cant help smiling, grinning wadeva..the old gram saw us and she too smile at us..smiling, grinning like she knew what was exactly on our minds.

it aint over till its over.

love is blind

2005-11-13T01:08:00.000-08:00

I dont know whether to listen to my heart or to my mind.
Its like criss-cross.
Its like they are going against each other
People can tell you their opinions/advice,
but eventually its up to you to listen and doing the right thing
there's no rational behind love, no logic, no WHYs
thus, love is blind.

I knew of these 2 stories,

Story 1
This woman knew this man. This man has nothing. No job, no car, no house, nothing. In spite of all that, she marries this man. In the name of love. After they got married. He still did not do anything about his life. He did not feel ashamed for not giving anything at all to his wife, lifting her burdens or do anything to redeem himself. He doesnt even bother to change anything for his wife, to be a better person for her. to He has no job, laze at home and do nothing to give his wife, except for his moody affections, companion, and pherhaps sexual satisfaction. Not long the wife got pregnant. She work hard even though she's pregnant to support the family. Life is hard and it continues to be like this....till pherhaps when the man do something to change it. Or pherhaps not, well she chose this path and can only complain about it in the later part of her hard life.

Story 2
This couple fall madly in love. Both had high-paying stable jobs and they eventually got married. The wife turned house wife and the man worked for her. They were both very sweet, loving and were always there for each other. They could share their weals and woes, their happy moments and have much passion and humor in their lives together. Despite their fights, they always made up at the end of the day, because they know that in a healthy r/s, there's always give and take, love and care. Not long before the wife got pregnant, the man got retrenched. Their high living standard was suddenly changed to a lower standard of living. Life wasnt easy. But the man did not give up. He search for jobs, he adapt and could finally secure a job. He loves his wife very much and gave her all the best. In return his wife was always there for him, showering him love and care. Life goes on.. pherhaps difficult but happy. And he carries a collage of her and his daughter in his wallet everywhere he goes..how sweet right!!!

I like the second story better.
*afraid*

And there's a sayin, you grow stronger after all the bitterness.
I hope I go through all that before marriage..
You know whats my greatest fear right...ok hush hush!!
( hmm..why are we suddenly going into this topic..slap me i tink too much.)

the worries, burdens, loneliness eats up my flesh.

now i know why i always cant put on weight. Ha.

i wonder how long it can stay that way.

lonely

2005-11-06T21:31:00.000-08:00

I'm sure there're times when you feel low, one of the lowest, and you feel so alone, like a man on an island. And there are many ppl in your surrounding but they dont give two fucks about you. No one bothers to listen to you for a second, lend you a crying shoulder or pinch you real hard to tell you that its just your imagination.

Thats when you realise

You can depend on no one but yourself.

How true..How fucking true..

lust or love?

2005-10-28T23:10:00.000-07:00

Why you always kill the exciting part?

now, I'm not excited anymore.

pls ask me questions

2005-10-22T00:48:00.000-07:00

Certain things having to spell it out will be meaningless.

yet,

Saying out certain things means so much.

Its when I'm throat stucked

2005-10-16T00:51:00.000-07:00

I wish every entry is not so emotional. Really. I think my EQ is much higher than my IQ. (Ok quite out of pt here) I wish, I wish, I wish..............

I feel I dont understand myself ( more and more)

Its getting insane.

I'm not insane.

'Dont cheat my feelings!'

( famous phrase during our secondary school days..)

Small little things, ya noe, gets on ur nerves,

It is when they take advantage of your weaknesses, and

work it against you.

It is when you feel they dun care how you felt at that point,

then its time to rethink.

I'm sorry if i'm delicate.

I wont say out my wishes, just in case it doesnt worked..

I was given the back seat.

no more drama no more drama

2005-10-09T03:49:00.000-07:00

I have so much to say, I duno how to start.

I live in my fantasy sometimes.
I'm bad at love.
I hear too many stories and get too emotional.
You came by, and slowly took my breath away,

leaving me grasping for more,
Dun say you will never leave me, because you might just do.
I want to keep it going, but I dunno how...
I cannot swallow mushy stuff, trust me,
but when i actually like it and say it, its becoz i meant it.
I want to lead the carefree attitude, the take it or leave it way, the I'm so cool way,
But i realised it might jus be more tiring then jus leaving it as it is.
And I thought of the things you said and the past.
The big sacrifices you made and she so beautiful,
And I look at myself and I felt fucking inferior.(the many WHYs)
Pardon me for being paranoid and skeptical.
I cant help.. I cant help...
I'm nt as cool as it seems,
I'm tryin to be cool.

Then I thought, jus be myself la,

if it happens, it happens,

I wish everyone can just sail forward without worries but we all do have scars, some have many, some a few. Thus, it haunts the future.

" Well, a marriage certificate is just a piece of paper"
Jus like a relationship without status.

Sometimes you gotta trust your 2nd instinct.

You like my silliness?

I tink i like yours too.

2005-10-08T07:12:00.000-07:00

Too many things happened. Too fast for me to catch up. ( ok, jus gonna say i'm lagged rite, go on say it.) I want to blog, but I always have something else to do. And my mood and inspiration always comes at the wrong time.

Anw, he's back from rebel camp.

It never stops. It jus keeps coming. Pls go back.

2005-10-02T22:54:00.000-07:00

You're tired, confused, and wondering if you can even communicate what's on your mind. You can. If you let your feelings out honestly without stopping them for a second, you'll be able to make your point easily. Oh, and any sibling or neighbor who tries to give you a hard time, just for fun, had better come to this verbal duel well-armed -- because if they don't they'll be quite embarrassed when it's all over.

Why is Friendster horoscope always seem so true?

2005-09-29T02:02:00.000-07:00

You never know what lies beneath those discerning eyes, you jus never know.

2005-09-28T22:29:00.000-07:00

I hate myself and the way fate plays with me.
When i dun wan, its there for me.
but, there's a time bomb, which means you gotta decide fast understand?
if not it blows up and its gone.
When i wan it more badly, its fucking gone.

2005-09-28T22:21:00.000-07:00

Momentarily today, I woke up at 7am, partly due to the noise pollution(whats new seriously) and I felt funny, the biological system inside me is turning turning. So, i got up for a glass of cold water and
I felt I need to FUCKING DETOX IMMEDIATELY!!!!

2005-09-28T22:18:00.000-07:00

We have been drinking the past nights, happily clubbin our holis away,

waking every other day to find the alcohol taste still lingering in your mouth,

if not, it will be late nights of mahjong or some other night activities,

and wake up in time for brunch or worst dinner, since when i had breakfast?

o yes i did, macs breakfast at 4am.

And waking up a little earlier jus to take a bath.

how apt.

cool

2005-09-26T02:03:00.000-07:00

A cool song by Gwen Stefani, sing with me.

It's hard to remember how it felt before

Now I found the love of my life

Passes things, get more comfortable

Everything is going right

And after all the obstacles

It's good to see you now with someone else

And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends

After all that we've been through

I know we're cool

We used to think it was impossible

Now you call me by my new last name

Memories seem like so long ago

Time always kills the pain

Remember Harbor Boulevard

The dreaming days where the mess was made

Look how all the kids have grown, oh

We have changed but we're still the same

After all that we've been through

I know we're cool

Yeah, I know we're cool

And I'll be happy for you

If you can be happy for me

Circles and triangles

And now we're hanging out with your new girlfriend

So far from where we've been

I know we're cool

C-cool, I know we're cool

I know we're cool

charm me

2005-09-23T15:20:00.000-07:00

What is beauty without brains?

Somebody pls charm me.

doubts

2005-09-21T18:28:00.000-07:00

Look at me with doubts overshadowing your sight,

I would never cross the line,

you know wat i'm like,

now,

one serving of bakut teh pls.

weird dreams

2005-09-19T02:33:00.000-07:00

I've been having many weird dreams lately there could potentially deja vu!!Dunno why, so wierd...

Had dinner with Zach and rach at crystal jade! yummy! And there was the waitress with such honey words that could give you diabetes. I hate to carry burdens of my family and many many other things, who likes right? And the worst part is I'm sucha poor time manager, the timings and stuff, so will you go according to my timing? keep up or slow down in my pace?? I do not push myself hard enough to get the desired effect like my results, I procrastinate like nobody's business and I care too much, and many other weaknesses of my. And I'm going to make a point to change all that. To be a better refine young lady.

Every religion speaks with such strong convictions that you would want to believe them all.

happy birthday chloe

2005-09-15T21:50:00.000-07:00

In honour of my babe,

Happy Birthdae Chloe!!!!

a quote

2005-09-13T18:33:00.000-07:00

There's no reason to complain about anything,

jus go out there and change it.

she said, as a matter of fact.

ponderosa

2005-09-12T01:09:00.000-07:00

but maybe i'm just too young to keep good love from going wrong..

2005-09-11T01:51:00.000-07:00

Dont put your shoes on me.

ppfffttt!!

not tht a lot ppl noes abt this blog

2005-09-10T01:59:00.000-07:00

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mug1

2005-09-06T20:29:00.000-07:00

MUGGING.

pls put me on hold...

mug

2005-09-06T20:26:00.000-07:00

Good-looking ppl go to waste,

Jus like my Dad,

what a pity...

nothin to say

2005-09-05T16:22:00.000-07:00

Finally going Tanning at Sentosa, tanned for a while and it had to rain..bleah....went Fareast for chicken rice and slack at Spinelli...it was a day well-spent nevertheless...except everyone looked stoned and tired...

Sorry, there's no other pics for me to put up..=(

Expectations, expectations, expectations
How high....
Friendships, Relationships, watsoever.
Expectations.
You dun wan to hav them, but its somewhere there
Sometimes, certain things amused you cause its above it
Sometimes, certain things shocks you cause its below it
Issue F
For some reason or so, it gets on your nerves
And they think you are over-sensitive and that its o so secondary school stuff
then, ya got nothin to say.
maybe, issues like this, even overgrown adults go through,
then, they got nothin to say.

Pressuried situations make you act stupid,
so stay calm at all times.

Some things can be copied, some things cant,
And all those copied can fall under morally right or morally wrong.

zouk

2005-09-01T19:00:00.000-07:00

the ice-cream man is here..ringin his bell..givin me inspiration..ha

my spacing jus worked. ok good. lets start.

Yest outing was splendid. The 2 wholes got together for ladies night!!! Woo hoo!! Not forgetting Peline too!! How i enjoyed it so much. Thanks, you guys brighten up the dim spots of my life. That was a rather emo statement. Ha! Well, had a couple of Vodka drinks from the cute bartenders(* winks at R2) at Black...ha..the night was spent dancing, drinking, takin peeektures and basically enjoyin the company we have. More to come definitely... Then, R2's fren was kind enough to drop me, R1 and peline to zouk while they headed to Momo.

Somtimes there are ppl you jus dunno how to handle,

How i miss goin zouk, phuture....but...its so freakin packed!! compared to black.....goodness...we were slightly high after the drinks at Black..then other half and me got drinks at zouk...i gt wine and we( nick, me, rach and nicole, nicole's hot friend) share money to get a long island tea jug. It was a potent drink to get high. Ha, i was a little high..a little...but we still did enjoy ourselves...didnt we......

My benchmark for guys-W
girls-C

Hotstuff.

Something upsetting yet, how shld i say amusing???
Dad called ard 4am, i cant really remember the details coz i was rather high..but..
Dad: Eh where are you??
me: stil at work
dad: dun bluff me ah..you at orchid country club? why work til so late?? drinkin ah??
dad: i got a lot of friends there ok..i'll noe...(classic.....LOL)
me: so?
dad: you dun so so me ok...
me: so?
dad: fjhefuoewhfjnefuhefejnf
me:so?
dad:jdioajfiojefioeef

I cant remember how the conversation ended.

Today!! drag my ass out of bed for tuition..and my tutee gave me a teacher's day present...aww...so sweet....it makes me feel appreciated and..that hey! I can be a teacher! Ha!

money

2005-09-01T17:54:00.000-07:00

Money break friendships,

Money make friendships,

the moral of the story is,

We all need money,

but,

Money is not everything,

i know.

kharma

2005-09-01T17:49:00.000-07:00

See, You cheat ppl, you get cheated.

This is kharma.

pissed 2

2005-08-29T03:22:00.001-07:00

ONCE AGAIN, HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPH, OUR BELOVED SWEET GIRLFRIEND.....

Yesterday, Chalet at downtown east (extremely bad customer service and thus no more chalets over there), most of the time were spent on eating and eating and eating!! Seh pak po! if ya reading this..ha! I applaud you for the good job of preparing the food and the sweet planning of a chalet for steph!!

Alls good......

At this stage of my life, I have come across many different ppl ( I know the world is bigger out there then what my little pea-brained imagined) and I try my best to make peace with the ppl i know. But unfortunately life's not that easy and there are bound to have ppl who love you or hate you. Yes you cant please everyone out there. And recently there are 2 guys I came across that piss the hell out of me.

G, who self-proclaimed he's half indian, half chinese when he is obviously CHINESE, who owes me my salary and dare to call me materialistic simply for not going out with him and that I agreed to meet him jus becoz i want MY BLOODY PAY, egoistic spoilt rich brat bastard.

RK2, who tinks he's Mr popular and has the ability to get all the girls tht he wants and when he couldn, he blabs shit to save his face and his bruised ego, he can form his opinions and keep his fucking comments to himself instead of lamenting shit which arent even true and dare to bitch as if it was true. Clarify every detail with me and I would never deny my actions/mistakes and that will shut your trap. This makes me realise men can be bitches too.

I despise you all.

Do not assume the above identities mentioned.

Analyse and interpret.

Becoz u dun.

thus, the misunderstandings.

Be kinder, and the world would be a better place.

I'm learning to be oblivious to all these.

To all my frens who believes and knows I'm nothing like that.

I heart you.

Thank you.

pissed

2005-08-27T00:01:00.000-07:00

Today was spent with Rach, chloe and cyndi!!
A day of slacking and bitching. Ha I like.
Love you guys company, and its a pity we couldn hang out til late.=(

And i learnt that 4 halves make a whole, i was so proud to realise.

random bloggin

2005-08-26T01:09:00.000-07:00

Must I update all the time to satisfy your viewing pleasure?

Okok, tell me why you visit my blog?
tell me, becoz you are Kpo
tell me,becoz you are bored
tell me,becoz you care
so tell me, tell me,
that I'm crazy and got nothin better to blog.period.

These days I have absolutely no motivation to blog...i need inspiration.
I realised that I only blog when I have a sudden surge of inspiration or when i'm troubled..how sad...how sad....

My first picture up on my blog.

I always appreciate such pictures, but hey, rach, thanx fer the inspiration.=)

Random blogging.

funny night

2005-08-21T02:55:00.000-07:00

Went school early in the morning at 11 and did project till 6!!! On a sat!! mind you!! Till 6!! non-stop!!!!till the school gates close and we even wanted to climb over the gates but decide against it and made a big U-turn to the security gate tht side instead...dinner with Ray, went black to celebrate my colleague, Charmaine's birthday..the crowd's not too bad as it was a NUS bash and not the usual crowd..and its 10 bucks with a free drink so yeh..then went to hard rock cafe to meet jerage, steph and rach! oo..bert was there too..it ended shortly after a few songs..and something extremely hilarious happened. Bert was pick up by a HORRENDOUS, HIDEOUS,OUTRAGEOUS LOOKING BAPOK. I believe he was traumatised......whahahahahhahahahahahahahah

I like to say something about this gal...in my grp. She's a bitch. Enough said.

Advantages of staying on the 2nd story,
1) You do not have to take the lift and go through all the 7th mth shit.
2) You can ask ur mom/sis/bro to pass u things from the window when you are late and are alr out of the house.

Disadvantages of staying on the 2nd story,
1) Garung gunis coming at different intervals in the morning with different
kinds of horn sounds
2) The ice-cream man ringin the damn bell in the evening
3) The loud horns of cars and lorrys
4) The ongoing siren of cars in the night occasionally
5) Students toking loudly under the block
6)The rubbish collector early in the morning
7) Climbing the stairs
8) Last but not least, grand funerals that play such loud music, it can wake the dead.

A mixture of feelings

2005-08-20T00:57:00.000-07:00

Finally met up with the 2 Cs, Cyndi and Chloe!!! Met up for dinner at Cine, walk around, went to get Twister fries due to Rach irresistable craves and went to chill at cuppage st(somewhere there),took photos,went cheeky's,bid our goodbyes(more sessions pls..) and its both of us again(other half and me), headed to town.
Met Xiu xia for not even 5 mins and we bidded our goodbyes again.
Orchard seems so dead and you cant help but get the emptiness feeling.....i was cravin for coffee club Tiramisu and since its 24 hrs so we headed there for a nice quiet indulgence with just the two of us.....

A mixture of feelings...

beautiful song

2005-08-18T12:42:00.000-07:00

"You're Beautiful"
A beautiful song to share....

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,'Cause I've got a plan.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

Come what may

2005-08-18T00:26:00.000-07:00

The feeling is back to square 1. But yet, its another feeling altogether...
Sometimes i jus thought, isnt good that everyone jus be friends and we could all still hang out and have fun. But yet, sometimes you would want to have a lover to give you what purely friends cant, not even your best friend. So which one would you prefer??

I miss their company, well sort of,
but i cant, so i wont.
How time flies....
its sad...but its true..
There's been a talk about this..TV, Friends,etc. I heard.
PEOPLE JUDGE.
its sad...but its true..
Yes, Actions speak louder then words
I wont run away from that as long as my conscience are clear
I always believe that.
I judge and I'm guilty of it.
Lets jus say 3/4s of the time its on the surface and 1/4 is true?
Actions? hmm..maybe but you gotta go deeper then that,
But time tells it all.
my fren, you duno, but its alrite, its better not to know sometimes,
COZ....
the bottom line is
PEOPLE JUDGE.
its a fact, its human nature, so deal with it.

I blog the way I like it to be,

Thts life

2005-08-14T01:59:00.000-07:00

Late, Later, Laten,

Its funny, its this uncanny ironic shit about this whole thing that if I'm gonna repeat it again, you are going to slap my face.

Because of this wanting feeling now,
Mind Fcuks
And now...who likes aggressiveness,
Fuck Mind Fcuks

Dont let him walk all over your heart.
So there you go! The walks of Love
And it gets a bit dramatic becoz of the first.
Why so shock...
Dont laugh lei..

Screwed my test. This sem I'm screwed. Ok time to buck up..Had my ECD test, went to find my other half, who was waiting fer me all alone with the guys..poor gal...come i give u a hug....lol. Hmm...then we went opp Beauty world to eat dinner!! The guys gives a, how shld i say, diff feeling with the other grp...anws, we went our seperate ways after dinner ends. We were walkin to the bustop to take bus to town when...we walk pass this pitched tent that looks like a temple and i suggested to go in and pray!! Yea...made a donation of $5 where you could write your name on a card and make a wish and offer it to God. I'm a buddist btw, so i feel very much comfort in praying religiously again becoz i'm feelin very guilty about not doing so.. Yea, I share the same sentiments with my other half man!! Its so ironic la..to go club after praying...Ha! Club Black.
I need to focus on what I'm doing, focus. And try to reduce the lagged time..lol.

At least I was genuine all along..........unlike someone..

Did i say it was u?

Everybody fcuk off.

All these is going to stop. And it stops right here.

2005-08-10T10:16:00.000-07:00

Heartbreaker you've got the best of me
But I just keep coming back incessantly
Oh why did you have to run your game on me?
I should of known right from the start
You'd go and break my heart

2005-08-10T09:48:00.000-07:00

Thank you for being so decisive, too decisive in fact, i cannot act that cool about it,but i'l try and it is a blessing in disguise i guess. You are the first to crack the nut and it was my first feeling hurt. I guess I felt it was that something eversince but just did not acknowledge it. Now this feeling ohsosucks. Thanks for the experience nevertheless. You have prevented a pherhaps worst scenario than this. I shall and will move on and aint allowing this to affect me becoz its jus not worth it....

2005-08-09T21:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Gothem penthouse. Lifestyle Bash Nation Block party. It was an over success! There were many people, but i felt alone. But no one saw it. They thought I was stressed over the party, yes i was, even stresser then my exams!! But it was something else. Well, my test is tomoro and I stil have not studied. I need do this first.

I like Stanley's nick :Gothem city was overrun by so many villians enough to accomodate 5 Gothem cities.I slayed them all!! It was an oversucess.
It made me smile.

Ok, here goes my emo entry. Read it or leave it.

I already knew this day would come, where you wil be holding her in your arms. This is really kharma. The roles are switch now isnt it? Why made me feel like that after i start to put in feelings into this...Its times like this that makes me feel afraid to get into a r/s..cause i've seen and heard too many stories like this except for this one, it happens to me. Are you puttin me through what i had put you through? hmms..i wonder...it was partially my fault as well, i admit it. because i did not put more effort into it but when i make up my mind, when i was feelin so much more, it fucks up again. I thought it was what you heard that triggers those fucked up things you did, but it wasnt, it was something called temptation and fun. Tell me it was all about havin fun all along, tell me earlier and i would have no probs goin along with it. You maked me feel fucked up trice. 2 of them ya noe it, the third one....i wish i nv learnt abt it.

It is becoz she is always there, and she could be there anytime of the day and i cant,
It is becoz of temptation,
It is not ME,
but becoz i happen to be there?
the truth always hurts so bad
and i cant believe you are in control of this game now
and i'm here feelin much more than you did.
if you could tell me something real and that you meant it right from the bottom of your heart, you will noe i'l be there if ya wan me to be.

But, becoz it was of my bad in the dating stage and my unwillingness to give this up when we almost pass tht critical stage, i want to start this anew, and that is if ya will come back to the sweet smelling perfume................

Dont move on without me knowing, tell me the truth and i'l deal with it.
But I jus wan the truth.

i beg for u..

2005-08-07T02:30:00.000-07:00

Follow wat ever ur heart says

Dont ever go against it

Coz the heart will never get u hurt if u listen to it.

Quote from Gabriel.

wonders

2005-08-07T02:10:00.000-07:00

I wonder where we all stand in one and another's eyes.

feelings

2005-08-04T16:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you are just so comfortable in your comfort zone, that you wouldnt want to do anthing to jeopardize it.
And thats being very selfish.
How should I feel.............

nothing is forever

2005-07-30T22:49:00.000-07:00

Nothing is Forever.

I'l bear that in mind.

And you should too.

And we shall just go with the flow.

get it goin

2005-07-29T00:52:00.000-07:00

One bottle of chill pill, and we'll all be single and stil get it going.

2005-07-29T00:44:00.000-07:00

HOME

The party's not wild,

WE are wild.

rejection

2005-07-27T15:17:00.000-07:00

Much as i hope something could happen, deep down inside me, a little voice down there told me the verdict alr.
I cried again.

Do you feel silly sometimes?

chijmes!

2005-07-27T02:57:00.000-07:00

I always blog slower then the rest. A step slower..simply becoz i jus gt no mood. Its a relapse of the fucked up feeling. I cant stand myself sometimes...
Well not that you care. Do you?

The Liberte party 23rd July at chijmes was a BLAST! A BIG THANK YOU PEOPLE WHO CAME TO SUPPORT THE PARTY AND TO THOSE WHO HELP OUT. APPRECIATED IT. REALLY. THANK YOU ZACH. (not that everyone know about this blog to acknowledge this but i'l say it anyway.)

Initially i was really afraid that it will be like paradigm party..but thankfully it was SUCCESSFUL! so yea..cool. The gals, rach, steph,jerrage,san,jill all were being door bitches, choosing who to check ID..hilarious..o and there's door bastards too..ha! Well..and i was busy trying to sell off my tix and collecting $$.

Saw many many GORGEOUS PEOPLE.

The party started without us knowing as we are all outside busy being a door bitch to people, checking in-coming people with the chops and drinking!
Before i knew it..i was HIGH! WOO HOO! FREAKIN HIGH! Initially it was sophia who was being nice to get drinks for us, then slowly..we got to the bar counter and started gettin drinks from the ahbak( jus feel like callin him tht now.Ha.), bartender. The drinks are good i must say, Filandia vodka and Jack Daniel's Bourbon whiskey. My logic: Good quality drinks wont make me puke unless taken in excessive. The rest of the night is just standing at the counter gettin drinks. i must take off my hat to Mallory who could make the bartender so smitten with her to give free drinks whereas i had to ask and ask..and to think tht he doesnt believe i'm one of the organisers! Ask me show card..Goodness...but in the end everything is free..so happily we drink the night away........and many candid pictures were taken.

I really dunno why we were so freakin emotional.
Terribly Terribly. Emotional.
And i can still feel it.
Jus let me be.

honesty

2005-07-20T15:24:00.000-07:00

I'll want to be as close to honest as possible.

single

2005-07-20T02:51:00.000-07:00

We can still be single and get it going.

2005-07-13T02:36:00.000-07:00

I can withstand it,
but,
I loathe the feeling,
its so tiring.
FUCKED UP.

i'm still standing here.